October 23rd, 2023 / µ

Lasting Memories

You know that feeling when you have lived in a place for years, and it becomes part of your lasting memories, and you give a little extra attention to that place for, I guess, the rest of your life?

I feel that way about Paris, even if some might think it would be more fitting for me to feel that way about Frederiksberg/Copenhagen. But I never lived in Copenhagen as an adult. I spent many happy childhood days on Frederiksberg, until my grandma died, and Frederiksberg will always be the best place in Denmark in my book. Unfortunately, this seems to be a generally held belief, so it is also one of Denmark's absolute most expensive places to live!

(No, Frederiksberg is not an island, but in Danish, it has always been on Frederiksberg due to the history of the name of the place, I suppose).

However, I lived and worked in Paris from 2008 to 2014 (excluding an intermezzo). And it was a good life, and I made that iconic city my home. So my soul-big-city-home is still Paris, for better, for worse, until something new comes along to replace it.

Terrorism & Creepy Crawlers

And how I feel sorry for Paris these days – so much trouble, creepy crawlers infesting the place, terrorist threats left and right. And I am angry that no one cares about the setup the Danes used in 2019, which I told the Danish authorities about years ago. (Legal point: To my knowledge, I cannot inform a foreign country’s intelligence service about a setup that includes (former) Danish public servants – so I wrote the Danish police and PET, but they ignore me).

All I can do is hope that the setup, which can facilitate incognito and free access to buildings, internet connections, and basements, will not be used for additional criminal activities or attacks against Paris.

“A certain type – he knew them all too well from years of experience as a detective, he knew how they acted, how they spoke, how their minds worked. These were people who would do anything to win at what they saw as the game of life, who had no allegiance to anyone or anything beyond themselves, who were gifted liars, who could scheme their way into almost anyone’s confidence, then betray them without hesitation. If they were criminals – and that species of the breed was the most familiar to Broehm – they believed in their hearts that everyone was a criminal, everyone was a hypocrite. To such people, the only thing on earth that mattered was their own existence; what happened to their victims, and they left a trail of victims, counted for nothing – it was their own fault, too bad for them.”

Alan Furst: A Hero In France, page 137.

Paris Was Yesterday

Leaving that aside, the way I see it, cities are like people – once you lose faith, there’s no going back, regardless of how strong your feelings might be. I have lost faith in Paris due to what I experienced in 2019 (and now, in hindsight, a few years earlier, uncannily connected to 2019), as I have lost faith in Denmark, in my opinion, a primitive, lawless country, where the lowest common denominator so often sets the agenda; and too many get away with too much, either because of the Danish system’s indifferent towards human suffering and right and wrong or because they know the ‘right’ people; and in 2019, Paris showed me a city where thugs, prejudice, and hatred set the agenda to such a degree that for a moment the city lost its magic and beauty.

Losing Faith

Cities are like people in many ways, and losing faith in a city is like losing faith in loved ones.

You can lie to yourself and ignore the facts, but that will only lead to more grief and sorrow. Life will never be the same again, your relationship will never be the same again, and your home will never be your home again. Some changes are forever and cannot be mended. You only hurt yourself by telling yourself otherwise. So I don’t.

Thomas Wolfe said you can’t go home again. To this I would add:

You have to move on if you want to live without your (bad) memories perpetually weighing you down.

You are the life you have lived, for better or worse, and you cannot surgically remove part of that life, regardless of what happened. But remember, bad days do not make good days bad, and good days do not come back as bad days. What was good was good, no matter how bad things may have turned out later, possibly even so bad that you lost faith or had to leave. And what was home may not be a physical home anymore, but it will remain your past home, part of your memories and personality, a part of you forever. It is up to you to decide how you want to hang on to your past and memories. My take:

Count your blessings, cut your losses, and move on.

In the future, my Paris time will only be work-stays; that way, I will reduce the risk of running into the gang the Danes hooked up with. I love Paris, but not enough to get killed there. So, the upcoming series I plan is a creative outlet of fiction or creative nonfiction, depending on how things pan out.

Thanks for reading! I hope you found it valuable and worth your time! Until next time, remember to get your facts straight and that whatever good times you have will never come back as bad times,