Keep Calm & Take Control

February 5th, 2024 / µ

Keep Calm

The stress of constant harassment, surveillance, death threats, slander, people entering your premises, and worse, via smart technology, is a killer.

Stress can lead to heightened blood pressure, depression, diabetes, you name it. And stress can ultimately kill you. Stress can also make you irrational, leading you to fear what you do not need to fear.

When you lose control of your mind, which you can when being strung out on stress, you forfeit your objectivity, make rash decisions, and do not keep calm amidst monsters and madness.

Controlling your stress level is crucial when you are a stalking victim.

“Byerozkin knew very well that the man with no quiet at the bottom of his soul was unable to endure for long, however courageous he might be in combat. He thought of fear or cowardice, on the other hand, as something temporary, something that could be cured as easily as a cold.”

Vasily Grossman, Life and Fate.

Find Your Inner Peace

I have learned that inner peace is crucial to dealing with stress. And it can be done, even in the worst of surroundings, as long as you think of yourself first. And that is not as selfish as it sounds.

If you are a wreck, you are no good to yourself or anybody else. Putting your mental and physical health and well-being first will make you a better, stronger person who can help yourself and others.

Below are a few pieces of advice on how to control stress, keep calm, and regain control of your life.

Let Go of Toxic People

When you tell people how stalking affects you, most people will not understand unless they have been there. Ignore and cut them out of your life if they are not empathetic and helpful. Being belittled and brushed aside by people, especially those close to you, can feel even worse than the crime itself. That’s my experience.

It sounds harsh, but in this world, you have to let go of toxic people, no matter who they are. No matter how close a person was to you when you were okay, if they don’t back you up when you are down, forget them, hate them, ignore them, but do not forgive them, and never trust them again. They have proven unworthy and unreliable, and you know now that they will let you down when you need them.

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times, hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Marilyn Monroe

2. Keep Calm & Yoga On!

Taking care of your body is vital. You need to actively combat the physical effects of stress, and that is not done in front of Netflix with a Gilmore Girls marathon or ten Bradley Cooper classics in a row and a box of cookies. The fact is, you need to get off the couch when you are down, even when it is most challenging.

Physical activities make us happy, make us feel better about ourselves, lift our spirits, and provide us with renewed energy, confidence, and moral strength to get through whatever we have to get through.

By physical activities, I do not necessarily mean strenuous activities that make you sweat. I mean, I can run, but I prefer not to. I have found that the key to physical health and stress relief is to find physical activities that suit you (and your income level), make you happy, and get you moving. One is as good as the other as long as you feel good about it and move your body.

I was hopelessly active as a kid and young person. These days, I choose to rest on the laurels of a cardiovascular system that doesn’t seem to bail on me. So my choices today are walking and yoga, given my current location and the possibilities.

Yoga and walking are two of the most relaxing and stress-reducing activities I can think of. And you can walk and do yoga wherever you are.

3. Structure You Life

Stalking and its ugly twin sister, gaslighting, turn your world upside down in more ways than non-victims can imagine. It can feel as if right is wrong and wrong is right sometimes, because stalkers de facto take over your life by taking control of it.

You have to take that control back. You cannot let stalkers dictate your life. Easier said than done, and you don’t win every battle. But you have to keep trying.

Bringing order to chaos is vital. Keeping track of and creating a safe, ordered heaven amidst the chaos can make you feel more at ease and comfortable in your own life. And the more you feel at ease and in control, the more you can block out the stalkers, calm your body and mind, and relax.

To do this, I found a perky activity that I would have made fun of years ago, but which I have discovered has helped me gain perspective, create structure, and develop a general outline of my life, health, sleep, and diet: Bullet Journaling.

In my bullet journals, I keep track of my diet, exercise, sleep patterns, and so on. It has given me an outline of my physical health that I can turn to and see how the psychological torture I have been subjected to for years affects my overall health and well-being. And I can say without a doubt that eight years of continuous gang-stalking takes its toll, even on an initially very healthy body and mind.

I combat this emotional and physical stress with as healthy a living as I can handle and afford. If I didn’t, I would have been done for years ago.

4. Creativity

You don’t have to be Chopin, Kapa, Nigella Lawson, or Karl Lagerfeld to create. So go ahead and find that creative outlet that lets you retreat to your own little world of peace and happiness.

I used to do photography, but because I couldn’t go anywhere without one or more psychopathic stalkers following me - including all the way to France - I eventually stopped. So, my creative outlet these days is writing and cooking.

I cook, not as much as I would like, for various reasons. But I cook, which I have been doing my whole life, literally. My dad’s dad was a chef – a top chef, so food and cooking have always been a thing in my home. And what is important is that I associate cooking with happiness.

Find that creative outlet that makes you happy. It is a de-stresser.

5. Write It Out

I have been keeping journals since I was a pre-teen – we didn’t have social media; heck, we didn’t even have our own phones! I am 49 now, and I have quite a lot of recorded experiences. But during the past almost eight years, I have learned that journals are also a great way to let go and get angry all by yourself.

Write out your frustrations, anger, disappointment, and sorrows. It can also be a way to record what is happening to you in detail and in harsh wording. I write who, I write when, I write what, I write how. And I write down how much I hate. It helps.

But what helps me the most is to write therapeutically by turning my real-life experiences into fictional stories. Fiction is a safe space; there is no right or wrong there, and you don’t have to worry about what you write, because it is fiction. I find that turning real-life experiences into fictional stories is a great way to blow off steam.

Point: Stay Offline

A super tech-wizard guy once gave me a piece of his mind on how it is out there online:

Everything you put online should be considered public information (Translated).

I always keep that in the back of my head. Whatever I write online, even emails, I assume can be read by people for whom it is not intended.

You can write more or less everything in a private journal that is for your eyes only (depending on the laws in the country where you live). But you cannot write everything online without risking breaking a couple of laws. And if you name a perpetrator, stating this person broke this or that law, and you don’t have tangible proof, you could be in a lot of trouble.

I always (try to) keep a civilized tone online and all my innermost private thoughts offline. There was a world before the Internet. Pretend it is 1992, write your private thoughts in journals, avoid breaking any laws, don’t get in trouble, and protect your privacy.

6. Read

My last advice may be predisposed, given that I have a degree in comparative literature, but my last advice would be: Read fiction.

Reading fiction is a way to shut out the world, as well as a way to contextualize your own situation in that of fictional characters. And yes, there is a lot more to be said about reading and how it affects our minds, ability to feel empathy and understand others, and ourselves. But right now, I will just say: Read fiction.

Just don’t fall into the trap of making reading a competitive sport. Bookstagrammers, TikTok, and YouTube influencers can sometimes treat reading as a competition: How many books you read a year? If you listen to that, this can make you feel you are not reading enough or the right things. That’s BS. Whatever you like to read is the right thing for you, and that goes for pace and quantity, too. Just read.

Take Your Life Back

So, how do you regain control of your life, mind, and stress level? Well, here is my humble, non-professional advice:

1. Let go of toxic people who cause you anguish or make you feel bad about yourself and your situation.

2. Find a physical activity where you can let go and ignore the world, as well as one that stimulates peace and lowers stress and blood pressure levels. Financial situations vary, so remember to adjust your activities to your financial situation so that paying money you may not have does not cause you even more anguish.

3. Structure your life.

4. Creativity. Find that creative outlet that lets you retreat to your own little world of peace and happiness.

5. Write it out. Write out all that frustration, anger, and hatred. You will feel better afterward, and you will have a record of what you have been through, your words, your truth, all names, places, and possibly dates, whether you are journaling or turning your real-life experiences into fiction, or both.

6. Read fiction.

Thanks for reading! I hope you found it valuable and worth your time! Until next time, remember to get your facts straight and that whatever good times you have will never come back as bad times,